You Know You’re a Parent When….
From my own experiences…the times that “the parent in me” really comes out…
You know you’re a parent when….
- All you want all day is a break, but when your kid is FINALLY asleep you find yourself browsing through pictures of them on your phone. awe look at this cute face! omg those chubby cheeks! and that smile!!
- You have paraphrased a “picture book” with “too many” words to speed up bedtime. ***AND other times you have read the same book four times….in a row. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll want milk, make a mess, clean it up, want another cookie, THE END.
- You have a moment of free time (somehow) and you have NO IDEA what to do. What did I used to do with free-time??
- You can’t help checking in on your sleeping child every night before you go to bed. Are their blankets on? Can I see them breathing? Awwee look, that is the most adorable and bizarre sleeping position ever…crap they’re moving…they’re waking up! RETREAT!! Abort mission, I repeat, get.out.of.the.room!!!
- Forget “rub your belly and pat your head,” you can now “bounce baby on left hip, while shaking kid on right foot, while stirring pot on hot stove with right hand, while holding a conversation over speaker phone, AND while occasionally using an elbow to open and close the refrigerator door.” In other words-you are a multi-tasking BEAST!
- After hours of trying to get your baby to fall asleep, they FINALLY fall asleep in your arms and you think “Awwwee aren’t they so sweet and cuddly?? I don’t need to get anything done, I’ll just hold them a little while longer…” ((and then you get stuck holding them the whole time they sleep because you missed the “golden window of opportunity” to put them down without waking them))
- You can hold an in-depth, lengthy, and boarder-line argumentative conversation with another parent about a kids TV-show. During which you can both recite direct quotes, provide daily applications, and break into song. I just don’t agree with how they did the episode on camping in your back yard….I mean really they had to make it scary? “see what it is and you might feel better.” B.S, now my kid is afraid of the dark!
- You can shower in under 2 minutes. Under 3 if you have to shave your legs! Bonus points if you have time to run a brush through your hair afterwards!
- You almost get a speeding ticket driving BACK to your kids from a night out, and not while driving AWAY from them.
- You’ve stopped feeling the need to change your clothes [right away] when some bodily fluid gets on them. Let’s be honest…sometimes you even forget about it entirely until it dried, and then well, its dry so why change now?
- You tell yourself that VeggieSticks count as a sufficient vegetable intake for the day. For both you and your kid.
- You’ve completely gotten over looking absolutely ridiculous in public when it comes to trying to calm your kid down. Singing out of tune-check! Hoping and dancing in the checkout line-check!
- You feel like half the time you’re saying “please for the love of God eat this!” and the other half of the time you’re saying “EW DON’T EAT THAT!!” Seriously where did you find that? I JUST vacuumed!